


Pros and Cons

by Caoilainn



Category: White Collar
Genre: Episode Related, Gen, Series Finale, Spoilers for season 5 and 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 06:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10507923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caoilainn/pseuds/Caoilainn
Summary: Neal has to decide on a plan for dealing with the repercussions of "snitching" on the Pink Panthers.





	1. The planning

**Author's Note:**

> Spoiler for series finale!  
> Not Beta-read.
> 
> I wrote this because I tried to imagine the different reasons Neal would have had for deciding to fake his own death.

If everything went according to plan then this was it. This would be the final scene and curtains down for Neal Caffrey.

Neal sighed as he looked through the lists in front of him and thought back on all the factors he had considered when making this decision. The decision to fake his death. To burn the identity of “Neal George Caffrey”. That identity might not have been the one he was born with but it had become his true one after he left home to start over.

It wasn’t just the threats of the Pink Panthers taking their revenge on him and those close to him. It may have been the catalyst when it came to the actual planning but Neal had more or less reached his limit well before then.

Getting up to pour himself some more wine from the bottle of red on the kitchen counter he paused in order to look around the small apartment. He had been here for little over three years now and apart from his time in prison this was the place he had lived the longest since he left St. Louis. Left his mother, Ellen and all the lies his life had been built on up until then. Not to say that the major part of his adult life hadn’t been built on lies as well but at least those lies where of his own making. 

Admiring the view outside the large window Neal knew he had been lucky to get to serve out the additional four years on a work release and with only an anklet keeping tabs on him but it couldn’t compare to being free. It scared him sometimes when he thought about how...subjugated he felt he had become since Peter first caught him. In prison there were very little you had control over and though Neal was glad to have left the overbearing, and sometimes cruel, prison guards behind he felt a little like a trained dog on a leash now. He had gotten used to having the thick plastic shackle on his ankle. It felt weird when he was without it and that was one of the reasons as to why Neal was growing more and more desperate to get away from the situation. To be free. It would be easy enough to simply cut the anklet but he knew that if he did that he’d be relentlessly hunted and he was in no hurry to relive that part of his life again.

The anklet and the feeling of subjugation was part of the reasons why he had start to feel bitter, frustrated and used.

A sudden and uncharacteristic rush of anger filled him and he made himself carefully put down the full wine glass on the table instead of throwing it at the balcony windows like he wanted to. Neal took a few calming breaths to center himself. So many people had been in a position to use him these last few years and he had nothing to show for it. 

If he said that to Peter the older man would just tell him to “Cowboy up” and that Neal was complaining for the sake of it. But the fact remained that Neal felt hurt and right now he didn’t care enough to try to suppress it. 

Looking around the place again he smiled slightly at the thought that June at least had always been on his side without asking more from him than what you could expect from a friend. The same thing could be said about Sarah but she had been gone for a while now.

Picking up the glass of wine again Neal sipped from it and let the rich taste fill his senses. For a second he allowed himself a moment without thoughts and instead concentrated on the here and now. The somewhat muffled sounds of the city outside… the weight of the smooth glass in his hand… the warmth and stillness of the apartment he stood in…But he couldn’t shut out the pressing thoughts for long. 

Somewhat fortified he once again turned his attention to the situation at hand and how tired he was of it all. Peter’s promotion, while well deserved, was based on a success rate that he owed at least half of to Neal. Neal on the other hand got nothing and Peter even acted surprised when Neal bought it up. Like he thought that just knowing how many cases Neal had helped close was its own reward. Neal however was not in it for the sake of altruism! 

Bringing the wine, as well as the list of reasons why he should fake his own death and the list of reasons why he shouldn’t, out on the balcony Neal sat down in one of the recliners. Even though he felt he had reached a decision he still wanted to go through the two lists one last time before Mozzie arrived.

Putting the glass down on the ground beside him Neal started with the list of reasons why faking his death was a good plan. There was no specific order to the items since he had just written down what came to mind.

First was the feeling of being controlled and subjugated. It was almost choking him at this point. He could be free of that and could be independent again. All his life Neal had been taking care of himself and he had known that he could only ever depend on himself. It was slowly killing him to have had that sense of freedom and control taken away from him.

And that tied into the feelings, no the fact, of just how many of the people around him who had wanted to use him. Why were they even surprised when he used them back? There had been Adler, Alex, Kate, Wilkes, Hagen, Rachel/Rebecca, Agents Kramer and Rice, the god damn echelons of the FBI and so on. Not to mention James who was supposed to be his father but had treated him just as callously as the others. 

Taking a deep breath Neal felt the hurt grow in his chest as he acknowledged that unfortunately even Peter and Elisabeth had used him for their own gain at one point or another. It may be hypocritical, since he hadn’t always been straight with them, but like before he felt that tonight he could allow himself to feel the hurt anyway. It would have been nice to know that there were people he could count on completely, people he knew he could be relax around and honest with…without ending up in jail in the case of the Burkes. Having someone he could depend on 100% had been a lifelong dream of his, ever since he was a young boy, but he had never found it. With Kate he had thought he might have a chance…but he had been wrong.

Sipping the wine Neal couldn’t help but wondering where the line was between helping a friend out of friendship and that same friend using you. Maybe he was just really bad at all kinds of relationships. Ever since he was young he had been able to charm pretty much anyone he set his sights on but he had always felt like he was missing something. That other people felt things that he never did.

Wanting to leave those dark thoughts behind Neal went back to his list. People using him…Neal figured that the trend would continue even after his sentence had been served because now that people knew where he was “old friends”, colleagues and enemies where bound to show up. Not to mention the FBI. Peter had, almost proudly, told Neal that the FBI big wings considered Neal their ‘No 1 asset’. Neal had not been proud. He had an ominous feeling that as soon as a forgery showed up or a painting got stolen or there were rumors of a major con the law enforcement would be looking to pin it on Neal. To get their ‘No 1 asset’ back under their control.

Sometimes it felt like even Peter thought that the life Neal led right now was somehow ideal because Neal was now fighting for “the right” cause. And since Peter was of the opinion that Neal was impulsive the anklet was the perfect tool to keep him on a leash and “help” him readjust to the straight and narrow…like he had ever been on the straight and narrow to begin with! Neal knew that no matter what he said Peter would never understand how Neal might want something that differed from “The Way of Life according to Peter Burke”.

And who knew how long Neal would even survive being indentured to the FBI? Especially considering that during his entire career as a criminal Neal had never had his life in jeopardy as much as he had during his years on the anklet. And even his luck would eventually run out. As would that of his friends if the Panthers acted on their usual promise of retribution against snitches, which was another plus in the column for faking his death.

Being able to ditch his entire criminal record, as well as all the open cases the FBI suspected Neal of being involved in, was also very tempting. And if he stayed he would never again be able to freely do the things he excelled at and which filled him with joy, because the majority of it was illegal. And the FBI would love to get him back under their control and to be able to put another anklet on him as soon as he made one little mistake. He may have gotten away with a lot of things these last few years but it had sometimes been pure luck, and in other instances down to Peter’s goodwill, that he hadn’t gotten caught and sent back to prison. 

And it may be ungrateful but as much as he loved Peter, like a friend and almost like a somewhat annoying older brother, the constant nagging about the value and the self-fulfillment of staying on the straight and narrow was just getting more and more irritating. In that aspect Neal’s session with Dr Summers had been surprisingly helpful… before she drugged him that is.

Some of the words he had been given and the ones he had said in response during the word association exercise stuck with him. It was fascinating how he had instinctively replied that job equaled confined, money equaled prop, Peter equaled worthy, theft equaled capable and caught equaled “oops”.

Neal smiled out into the darkness of the night. Peter would not have appreciated those answers! Neal however appreciated how the word association had cleared things up for him.

He was who he was, regardless of name. He had been like this for as long as he could remember. It first came back to him when Ellen told Mozzie about how young Neal had re-routed the bus line, broken into school and finally forged bus passes. Not to mention how Neal in a drugged state told Peter and El how he stole his teacher’s money in 7th grade for no other reason than because it was sticking out of her purse. He had been conning, stealing, lying, cheating, forging and operating on the wrong side of the law since he had been a little kid! Looking back Neal couldn’t even begin to imagine of badly he would have fitted in at the police academy if he had gone through with his childhood plan of becoming a cop like his dad. Like the hero-cop Neal had thought his father was before he learnt the truth that is. 

No, Neal liked who he was but that was something first prison and then his FBI handlers had almost made him forget. Now he had finally regained that sense of self that he used to have.

Frowning slightly Neal considered the fact that that was one of the problems in his relationship with Peter. Peter pushed and pushed and pushed for Neal to be “better”. That parental air he sometimes had when telling Neal about the “right” way to live could be downright patronizing. Besides, Neal had lived without a father figure for as long as he could remember and he did not need one now. Especially not after the train wreck of actually meeting James. 

Peter’s policy to live by the motto of “doing what was right and letting the pieces fall where they may” was stupid and incredibly naïve! If there was one thing Neal had learned early on in life it was that you had to put yourself first, to manipulate those falling pieces, because no one else would put you first and people would use you if they thought they could.

Peter’s beloved government and justice system was run by ordinary human beings which made it fallible and ripe for abuse and misuse. There had been so many examples of it during Peter and Neal’s time together. Several came to mind… like Operation Meteor, Kramer’s plans to keep Neal shackled for life to the FBI in D.C, senator Pratt and his network of corrupt cops, Peter almost being indicted for murder just to name a few. And Peter still stubbornly refused to acknowledge what was right in front of him! Peter’s worldview was black and white. At least that was how he preferred it, even if Neal felt sure that Peter had been forced to acknowledged at least some of the many grey areas in life.

Neal sighed as he recalled how he had felt that keeping Peter out of prison, whatever it took, obviously was the right thing to do. But since Neal had gone about it the wrong way, according to Peter’s life philosophy, Peter had been pissed. 

And that “2 for 0” when it came to the number of times Peter had caught Neal rankled some times. But still, it was an advantage to let Peter keep his “2 for 0” since it made him feel confident in his ability to stop Neal which in turn made him underestimate Neal. The fact that Neal had been free and on the run for three years before Peter caught him the first time said a lot about Neal’s skill and the FBI’s lack of it. He had even kept up his criminal lifestyle these last few years while supposedly being monitored by the FBI.

And those two times he had been caught? He had practically turned himself in! The first time he had been fairly sure it was a trap he was walking into but the need to see Kate had overridden the alarm bells going off inside his mind. The second time he hadn’t cared about anything after arriving to find the apartment empty and Kate gone. The feds had known about the place so of course that’s where they went looking for him. 

Not to say that Peter wasn’t a good agent. He had a good gut instinct and if he had clues he was certainly intelligent enough to figure out the basics of Neal’s thought process. But Peter was also always several steps behind and could never truly understand what Neal was thinking or what Neal was prepared to do in order to achieve his goal.

Just like the fact that what he was planning to do in order to keep his friends safe and finally gain his freedom for real was something Peter would never even consider.

Checking his watch Neal realized that an hour had passed while he was contemplating the list of reasons why he should fake his own death. Mozzie would be by soon but that wasn't a problem since Neal’s list of reasons why he shouldn’t fake his own death was a rather short one.

The main reason for not going through with the con was getting to keep June, the Burkes and his other friends in his life. It would also mean that he could stay in New York, a city he loved, and that he could keep taking credit for all the things he had, allegedly, done during his career. At the very least the things that had passed the statute of limitations.

All in all it was a short list and Neal didn’t know what that said about him, nor did he really care. He had realized, after the session with Summers, that he had conned himself pretty thoroughly these last few years by making himself think that domesticity was what he wanted and that he could go law abiding in order to have that.

Now he knew it would chafe as badly as the anklet. It just wasn’t him and he saw no real reason to force himself to fit that mold any more. Just look at Mozzie who had never been caught and had been in the game much longer than Neal. As long as you were smart about it you could keep yourself out of prison and still live “The Life”. You just had to take your time and do it right. 

Neal was glad that he had asked Ford about how the older man concealed his fingerprints. Knowledge like that would go a long way towards making his plans work in the long run and from here on out it would become more important than ever to never leave fingerprints behind.

Neal had definitely made his choice and it filled him with the sort of energy he only felt when planning something big. It was time for his life’s greatest and most important con. It was time for him to die.

Neal didn’t foresee any problems with getting Mozzie on board. At first he had thought about keeping his friend in the dark and contact him afterwards but that felt too cruel. Neal might love Peter like a brother and he would do this despite knowing how much it would hurt the man but with Moz it was different. Even though Neal didn’t always trust him, which was mutual, Mozzie had stood by him all these years and he understood Neal like no one else could. If, by going with the family metaphor, Peter was the older annoying older brother then Moz was practically Neal’s twin.  
The only problem with having Mozzie in on the plan was that he wasn’t a very good con man, not when it came to the more advanced cons at least. But if Neal could get Mozzie to push the knowledge of Neal actually being alive to the very back of his mind and then *believe* with every part of him that Neal was in fact dead then it could work. It had to.

Moz would also be able to stay in New York to make sure that everything went according to plan. When the time was right however Neal felt certain that he could get Moz to tag along with him and see the world. A little more of it that just Cap Verde this time that is.

Hearing Mozzie’s knock on the door Neal stood up and took a deep breath. It was time.

Fin.


	2. Neal's lists

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neal's POV.

_List of Pros and Cons_

_Option: fake my death_

_• I would be free from feeling controlled and subjugated_

  
_• If the Panters thought I was alive they would want revenge and no one would be safe._

  
_• I’ve been used by Peter, the FBI (god damn agent Rice deserved her own mentioning), Elisabeth, Rachel/Rebecca, Wilkins, James, Alex etc. An ongoing trend._

  
_• If I stay people on both sides of the law would know where I am and keep trying to use or kill me._

  
_• If I stay, even after my sentence is up, I would be suspected as soon as someone stole or forged something major, conned someone and so on._

  
_• I can thwart the FBI from getting to keep their ‘no 1 asset’._

  
_• My life had never been in jeopardy as much as it had these last years on the anklet, something that most likely would continue._

  
_• If I stay Peter will continue to push and push to make me become more like him, and would also always be suspicious of everything I do._

  
_• If I leave it would make a good closure to my friendship with Peter (in order to stay friends with Peter I would eventually have to change pretty much everything about myself)._

  
_• If I stay I would never again be able to do the things I excelled at and love because it’s all illegal. I may be able to get away with small stuff but that’s not enough._

  
_• If I fake my death I can ditch Neal George Caffrey’s entire criminal record (and I can start using Ford’s fingerprint trick)_

  
_• Summers made me realize that I’ve tried to change who I am even though I already like who I am. If I leave I can start over and be myself._

  
_• If I plan it right I can still keep Moz in my life_

 

_Option: Stay_   
_• I can stay in contact with Moz, June, the Burkes (I still love Peter like a brother even though I’m sick and tired of the constant harping about doing the right thing and following the law) and other friends._

  
_• I can stay in New York._

  
_• I can still take credit for everything I’ve done in my career (the things that have passed the statute of limitations)_


End file.
